Time Machine: Always a Cycle, Right?

Found something I wrote about 6 years ago. Can’t believe I was able to write something like this, let alone still the feel the same way as I do up to now. Wow. The power of the time machine.

Sometimes we can’t ever understand which state we’re in or what we’re feeling. Sometimes we never notice the weirdest things. Like when we’re spending so much time with this person and realizing we’re actually falling for them. Or for the fact that we think they’re falling for us too, but they might not be. So many things are deceiving. A single look can be deceiving. A single touch can be deceiving. Either way, we can never tell.

We might be able to tell what is most subtle, through action, words or that occasional “glance” which makes your world stop for a nanosecond. But being able to decipher them is another different thing.

I never really reflect on my past relationships because I’ve never really learned anything from them. The bigger picture, to say is that I gave up too easily, or too soon. I can say right now that I don’t want to give up anymore which is probably the maturity talking, but to give up on something or someone which is non-existent in the first place is merely stupid. Once, I gave up easily on a long distance relationship which could have worked, but what would I be now if I hadn’t given up? Yeah, I had been with a guy who totally had the most bizarre pride, and why didn’t it work? Of course, I was immature then and didn’t know what relationships meant so I blamed it all on pride, not only on his side, on mine too so I wouldn’t have to face the loser (which is me). Everything has it reasons. When you stop and think about these situations which keep on lingering, what comes into your mind? It now dawns to me that the only thing which appears is a big fat CONFUSED neon sign.

Someday I’ll find out the reason for this never ending confusion that’s constantly fazing the heck out of me. Maybe in the future I’ll laugh at myself for being like this. Heck, it comes with the package of being at this age. It’s just inevitable sometimes. In pop culture world, I’d be referred to as “emo”.

All we need is love. Love, shmlove. Is it? The world revolves around love. People suffer without love. People relentlessly have dramas in their life due to love. But it is love in itself which revolves around us. It’s what keeps us fueled. So no matter how much is disconcerts us, as cliché as it may sound, it’s going to stick. It’s a sick cycle carousel.

When will this end it goes on and on, over and over and over again. Keep spinning around I know that it won’t stop. Sick cycle carousel, this is a, sick cycle carousel. – Lifehouse’s Sick Cycle Carousel

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