Previous seasons: Aloha State • Boys & Girls in the City
If you’ve been reading my subjective rankings, you’d know how this goes by now. For those who don’t, just read on.
I realized it took a while for me to actually rank the members of Opening New Doors because I guess it didn’t create much of an impact for me? I loved it—but I did not super love it, I just realized. I still have a softer spot for BG&ITC and Aloha State (believe it or not) at the end of the day.
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Hello and happy first day of October! It’s been a while since I’ve done one of these. Time flies by pretty fast that I just realized the last one was a good 5 months ago.
FEELING
Pretty okay! The weekend wasn’t exactly topnotch because I had to work yesterday and didn’t get to have any Saturday plans but it wasn’t the worst. I spent the night at a friend’s place and today was all about lazing around and watching movies with my sister.
WATCHING/LISTENING
This semi-stripped down version of Too Good At Goodbyes by Sam Smith. It’s a solid new single.
I’m also looking at my last TSC and I just wanted to give an update: ever since Weightlifting Fairy and Strong Woman Do Bong Soon, I’ve seen quite a number of K-dramas after that. Love in the Moonlight, Fight My Way, My Secret Romance, and She Was Pretty. Pretty crazy, to be honest. I’ve always capped myself at 1 K-drama per year and I was just on a roll.
FEELING
I’m having a bit of a stiff neck that’s annoying me. Otherwise everything’s been okay. Job ok. Friendships ok. Family ok. Love life, hmmm idk. Mental state will always be in discussion.
EATING
Nothing currently but there’s a “just-finished” bag of Lay’s beside me here from this afternoon.
HOPING
Honestly? Hoping for a lot of things. I have a few trips lined up in the weeks to come and I just hope everything’s great. As usual, anticipatory anxiety and its ugly head continuous to rear down on me and the only way I can let it go or at least keep from persisting is to ride it out.
THINKING
About a blossoming friendship that I hope won’t fade away as time passes. The last few years of your 20s are always the times where you keep friends instead of finding them but once in a while there’s always that one gem that shows up.
Just like what I did with the Boys & Girls in the City, here’s a completely subjective ranking on the Aloha State members. While Boys & Girls in the City was difficult because it was hard to choose which one I liked best, my challenge for this one was nominating the ones I hated less. Aloha State was such a season full of polarizing parts and I don’t know if my watching habits contributed to a lot of the decision making but whatever, I’m gonna do it the way I did with the previous one.
Another note, this was also a little bit more difficult to write than the Boys & Girls In the City version because I feel like I’m not really doing as much justice? Unlike B&GITC which was a whole marathon, Aloha State was released in parts. I was lucky to score a VPN subscription where I got to watch Part 4 almost 2 months before the worldwide Netflix release. Let’s do this!
WARNING: SPOILERS if you haven’t completed Part 4.
I’m not sure what’s causing this inner terror that’s bothering me right now but I don’t like it at all. It’s making me lose my subconsciousness and depriving me of being grateful for the little things, which I always try and focus on daily for my mental health. I can’t even enjoy a single K-drama without revisits of this annoying mental clutch.
I’ve been so focused on my new job and the unknowingly jarring difference of now getting into the hang of an office life vs the remote life that I lived for a year and a half. That was good for my mental and professional reset after having been in a toxic environment for a while, before the lone wolf life took a toll on me again. This time however, the demons in my head seem to be self-inflicting and I’m not a big fan. I’m always beating myself up for losing control of my and letting anxiety win again. By writing this I hope I at least feel a little better.
A part of me wants to just stay home and wallow in all of the negativity but the other side of me is also urging me to get my ass up and recharge with my friends (update: I went out and saw friends! I’m so glad I did). I haven’t really had a proper hangout or seen my friends since my birthday season. My social life has sort of taken a backseat and I think it may be one of the attributes to feeling this way. I don’t know maaan, maybe this is PMS, but that’s also questionable because my PCOS is acting up again.
As I read what I wrote the morning after, I now admittedly feel better. I went out to dinner with my girlfriends, I upped my magnesium dosage last night before I went to bed, and I didn’t watch a K-drama after 12 midnight because I love myself. I realize it’s always going to be about self-love. But there are times when things get shitty and when they do, they really do. I’m happy I got to recharge last night because honestly, that was all I needed. The cycle may start again, but I will work on myself again. The seas may not be always be calm, but you can always choose to get through the waves to cross the other side.
I may not blog as often, but I always make sure to have a blog up at the time of my birthday, whether a reflection, a recap, or just something to remember. No excuses!
There it is, short and sweet. What will my 29th year bring in store for me? Will things be different next year or more or less the same? This year started on a good note with a new and a much more disciplined job which meant a bigger professional responsibility. I promise to learn and to always try my best to be happy, regardless of how old I am.
