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Twenty Six

This white box where I’m supposed to write a post has been empty for quite some time now. After a few months, I decided to log in again today. It’s always that vicious cycle of wanting to write and failing to do it. Laziness taking over, the confusion of what to say that starts to play with my head, and a whole lot of other excuses always overpower the fact that I want to keep this blog and I do not want to stop writing.

Together with singing and guitar, personal writing is something that has been shelved this year. We’ve reached July already and time is a vehicle that just keeps on going. The next thing you know you’re 26 and life isn’t getting any slower. A year older and none the wiser, or so I’d like to think.

These past few months have been quite a roller coaster of emotions, to put it simply. My birthday month was filled with happiness, and excitement, and being loved by all the right people, the people I hold dearest to my heart as they were with me physically and emotionally for my birthday. Once that euphoria of a great week and a half was over, I was back to my normal life without anything major to look forward to. No trips, no plans, just life waiting to be lived. Such a contrast from last year where I was out of the country almost once every quarter.

Re-reading the paragraph above, I sort of realized how self-consumed I was, and probably still am. As much as these feelings start to consume me I always try to stop and take a step back, and realize this is where I am. This is what needs to be lived. Plans will unfold and excitement will happen in its time.

Just a few days ago I lost a friend who was/is dear to my heart. It’s been quite hard to take in. You never know what hit you until a friend passes away and leaves questions that need to be answered. Dale was always such a great friend to me from day one when we were the twitter legacy (or as I’d like to think so) 6 or 7 years ago, up to when we met a few years ago and continue to communicate without fail. I didn’t know that last January would be the last time I was ever gonna party with him, let alone see him. Everything he has done for me, all the memories we shared whether on or offline will always be dear to my heart. Life hasn’t stopped, but whenever Dale comes to mind I feel a bit of a painful tug inside and tears start to fall. It’s been a bit easier now than a few days ago but I can’t even begin to imagine what his family and dearest friends have to go through. I hope he’s in an awesome place and having the grandest of time. I miss him.

Having said that, life is precious. It may shit on you and give you the worst of the worst but life wouldn’t be life without all of that. We all want to strive for perfection, but sometimes settling isn’t half as bad as how others make it out to be. I guess now that I’m 26 insight keeps growing, and the older you get the more you are exposed to the bitterness of life. I’m just here, powering through all of it. The good, the bad, the everything. As I should be.

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