It’s exactly 2:03am and I cannot sleep. A lot of things are happening today. My dad arrives from Jakarta/Singapore in a couple of hours, and I have to check myself into the hospital for my tonsillectomy later today. By 6am, I will have to zip my mouth (as what my doctor says, but really it’s just fasting) to prep for my surgery at noon. I’m just here in bed winging this entry because I’ve been tossing and turning, a ball of confusion, and nerves, and the let’s-just-get-it-over-with mindset. Surgery = tonsillectomy.

If you’ve read my blog long enough you know that I’ve been struggling with tonsillitis on and off. I was hospitalized last April for the very same reason and my health has just been on major ping pong this year because of this crazy throat. Heck, even if you enter the word “tonsil” in my blog search bar there are a lot of entries from over the years that prove that this has been a recurring evil all throughout my existence. I think it makes a lot of sense that I have it removed, right? This isn’t really my first surgery too. I’ve had an appendectomy when I was in 3rd grade so it’s not really about that.

My mom isn’t all for this procedure at all. She has this fear that it may ruin my vocal chords and I won’t be able to sing like I used to anymore. Initially that was also my biggest worry, then I started researching on singers who had their tonsils removed and Kristin Chenoweth is still an exceptional singer, so I’m banking on that. My dad, on the other hand, has had his removed many years ago so he’s definitely encouraging. I guess the reason why it took me THIS long to make a decision was the too many voices left and right and factors to weigh on whether I should be doing it or not.

When I met my new ENT last week, he said my throat looks like it’s been through a lot and directly advised me to have it removed after I told him my lifelong struggle of being my tonsils’ bitch. He’s one of the best ENT’s in this region and it would be stupid to just overlook that and not follow his orders. I am living proof that this illness has been fucking up my health all throughout my life so I used all my adult decision making powers and decided to go with it, without the influence of others.

To be honest, I’m not scared about the procedure or the surgery itself. I am in good hands because this doctor is the best (thus very expensive) and I know it’s probably just a recurring activity for him in the operating room. What I am most worried about is my recovery period. Post-op tonsillectomy is absolutely shit as I’ve read and I am not looking forward to feeling pain everywhere in my throat, my nose, my jaw, or anywhere pain comes out. I know I have to go through hell before I bounce back but that’s where the nerves are! I guess I just have to put my high tolerance with pain to major use and make sure I get through it all. Reading the #tonsillectomy hashtag on Twitter has been helping (or not? like wow people are in PAIN) as I know I’m not on my own.

Either way, I’m FINALLY saying goodbye to my tonsils and I don’t think it’s something that I will miss. It has made me its bitch for a while now and I’m finally getting rid of it. Update you when I’m done and let’s see how the hurt ruins me! Ha-ha.