“Who care if one more light goes out? I do.”
Waking up to read about the passing of Chester, and his methods moreso, was such a shock to me and to many people who grew up in the same music generation as me. What a huge loss and tragedy to his family, his 6 children, his bandmates, and the music industry as a whole. In my case, it also contributes to a portion of an end of the mainstream nu metal music era, one which I loved and influenced by as I was growing up.
Liking Linkin Park considered to be such a “revolution” to kids my age because we’d been depending on Korn, Limp Bizkit, Slipknot, Kittie (in my case because I was looking for a female-centered heavy metal band at the time) and similar bands who spewed out bad words after bad words with especially nonsensical lyrics to 11/12 year olds. Their lyrics, on the other hand, were heartfelt and full of emotion, angst, meaning, and that resonated with a whole lot when were were pubescent and angry at the world.
“I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real. I wanna let go of the pain I’ve felt so long. Erase all the pain till it’s gone. I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m close to something real. I wanna find something I’ve wanted all along, somewhere I belong.”
Hybrid Theory, Meteora, and Collision Course with Jay-z were huge parts of my life. I had all these albums whether bought, or given by guy friends because they knew how much I liked Linkin Park. I had posters of Rob Bourdon in my room, I memorized the lyrics to In The End and sang it out loud any chance I could get whether alone or with friends, and cried to My December when I first heard it because I couldn’t believe a rock band could do such a slow and melodious song.
My guy friends and I would let MTV play in the background while we were hanging out outside or doing our own thing, and once Linkin Park’s One Step Closer music video would come on TV we would run inside and headbang to it together. I may have forgotten who my guy friends were at the time, but I will never remember that moment.
“Crawling in my skin, these wounds they will not heal. Fear is how I fall, confusing what is real.”
I realized I have more to say about Linkin Park than about Chester himself, but you see Chester WAS and IS Linkin Park. He was the voice, the brand, one that made Linkin Park the way it is. Even with countless side projects, family matters, and personal issues to deal with, he never left Linkin Park. From what I’ve read over the years, he was always a good person from respectfully greeting fans positively, being a nice friend among his peers, his bandmates, and people in the industry.
It really is a sad moment and ultimately relates to mental health. Chester went through a lot growing up and had his share of downs in life. I continue to hope that nobody ever has to result to suicide no matter how loud the inner demons scream and egg you on. RIP, Chester Bennington. Thank you for being a part of my life.
“Memories consume, like opening the wound I’m picking me apart again. You all assume I’m safe here in my room, unless I try to start again. I don’t want to be the one the battles always choose, coz inside I realize that I’m the one confused. I don’t know what’s worth fighting for or why I have to scream. I don’t know why I instigate. I don’t know how I got this way, I know it’s not alright. So I’m breaking the habits tonight.”