I was going through my TUT emails (I’ve been subscribing since 2010), reading the ones I missed the past few days and marked “as read” immediately. This particular one struck me, and hit me like a hammer on the chest.

You are not meant to bear that which you find unpleasant, Justine, you are meant to change it. That’s why you feel it. Your every twitch of pain and malaise invites you to wake up, pushing you to seek grander truths that will reveal a bigger reality and a more magnificent you, ever closer to an awareness of your true place within reality creation – as a Creator.

Boom,
The Universe

In this blog I’ve mentioned about personal issues I faced and still continue to. It’s not something I freely share because really, I’d rather look at the brighter side of life. I am fighting internal demons and they don’t feel pretty most of the time. TUT’s email above helps a little, it helps during bad days when all I want to do is disappear.

It also reminds me of the lyrics of one of my favorite songs of all time, Ra Ra Riot’s Dying Is Fine which goes:

To settle our thoughts
Never minding what for
Nothing of a harm to dread on my mind

Tell me what belies
Oh, tell me what I could have
Oh, tell me what for

No more of this living, dying
Just scientific analyzing
Forgive us, oh life
The sin of

Death, oh baby
You know that dying is fine but maybe
I wouldn’t like death if death were good
Not even if death were good

[soundcloud url=”https://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/43444965″ params=”color=ff5500&auto_play=false&hide_related=false&show_comments=true&show_user=true&show_reposts=false” width=”100%” height=”166″ iframe=”true” /]

My point with this entry is to somewhat make myself feel better. Writing (even just a little) still does help when I can’t put my thoughts into verbal words and I can’t really explain how I feel because if even if anyone asks why I feel like this, I can’t find the root. It’s just one of those bad days.. I guess you got to have one or two of those in a while to really appreciate the good in your life. Whatever it is. I hope I feel better.