I’m not really sure where to begin on writing about the current “happenings” in my life, for lack of a better word. The past 3 months have been quite trying for me, in more ways than one (or two, even three). Things are happening one after the other and I’m just trying my best to swim through it all. I probably mentioned in my previous entries that I wanted to make sure that I don’t get any more hospitalizations this year. Lo and behold, last Monday I got out of my longest hospital stay this year, a whopping 5 days. Longer than my tonsillectomy, longer than my peptic ulcer run. This time I’d rather not specify the reason but cancer was ruled out, thank goodness. When you’re in excruciating pain all you can think about is, “Why me?” leaving almost no room for positive thoughts to shine a light in the darkness. What’s worse, it’s actually carrying over after that hospital stint. I don’t want it to continue because it’s affecting a lot of aspects in my life right now.
I don’t want to dwell on the fact that life keeps shitting me bricks, but it’s hard you know? I have all the reasons to be happy but there are times when shit sidetracks me and before I know it, it’s trying to push me to rock bottom. As long as I’m alive, I won’t let it happen. I may not have been born with strong resilience but I am trying my best to not let it faze me to the point where I question everything in my life, and that has been the ultimate challenge.
It seems like this years’ theme is “powering through” and I’ve been saying it to friends who ask me how I’m doing so far. In contrast to last year where I spent every weekend from May to November partying my ass out and participating in intoxication therapy, I’ve been pretty much a social recluse for the most part this year. I’m thankful that my travels have made me go out into the world and be in touch with friends but other than that, all the hospitalizations and ailments have kept me home.
Gratitude is something I try to practice every day in my life. I am a part of the many lucky ones who get to live a comfortable life void of any major life or death situations but it’s a challenge to focus on the good when I am met with such unfortunate events that’s taking a toll on my personal growth. I just hope that whatever this is, this black cloud in my sky, will go away soon. Despite everything, I trust that these struggles will find its way in the back burner. I choose to be happy.
A special shout to Shari for her recent post on happiness that made me write about this.