Hello and happy first day of October! It’s been a while since I’ve done one of these. Time flies by pretty fast that I just realized the last one was a good 5 months ago.
Pretty okay! The weekend wasn’t exactly topnotch because I had to work yesterday and didn’t get to have any Saturday plans but it wasn’t the worst. I spent the night at a friend’s place and today was all about lazing around and watching movies with my sister.
This semi-stripped down version of Too Good At Goodbyes by Sam Smith. It’s a solid new single.
I’m also looking at my last TSC and I just wanted to give an update: ever since Weightlifting Fairy and Strong Woman Do Bong Soon, I’ve seen quite a number of K-dramas after that. Love in the Moonlight, Fight My Way, My Secret Romance, and She Was Pretty. Pretty crazy, to be honest. I’ve always capped myself at 1 K-drama per year and I was just on a roll.
I’m having a bit of a stiff neck that’s annoying me. Otherwise everything’s been okay. Job ok. Friendships ok. Family ok. Love life, hmmm idk. Mental state will always be in discussion.
Nothing currently but there’s a “just-finished” bag of Lay’s beside me here from this afternoon.
Honestly? Hoping for a lot of things. I have a few trips lined up in the weeks to come and I just hope everything’s great. As usual, anticipatory anxiety and its ugly head continuous to rear down on me and the only way I can let it go or at least keep from persisting is to ride it out.
About a blossoming friendship that I hope won’t fade away as time passes. The last few years of your 20s are always the times where you keep friends instead of finding them but once in a while there’s always that one gem that shows up.
Just like what I did with the Boys & Girls in the City, here’s a completely subjective ranking on the Aloha State members. While Boys & Girls in the City was difficult because it was hard to choose which one I liked best, my challenge for this one was nominating the ones I hated less. Aloha State was such a season full of polarizing parts and I don’t know if my watching habits contributed to a lot of the decision making but whatever, I’m gonna do it the way I did with the previous one.
Another note, this was also a little bit more difficult to write than the Boys & Girls In the City version because I feel like I’m not really doing as much justice? Unlike B&GITC which was a whole marathon, Aloha State was released in parts. I was lucky to score a VPN subscription where I got to watch Part 4 almost 2 months before the worldwide Netflix release. Let’s do this!
WARNING: SPOILERS if you haven’t completed Part 4.
This week has been particularly weird, in an emotional sense. I don’t know if it’s the mix of quitting rice for the 2nd week and going towards a low-carb high-fat diet that’s messing with my system, happenings that either piss me off, or make me want to cry. These are the usual highs and lows of everyday and worklife and (the lack of) adulting that’s always messing with me. So how do I deal?
I compiled a list of things that I usually do or indulge in so that I don’t fall into the deep well of emotional negativity, a.k.a the O.A. life, or as how our close-minded relatives refer to bouts of unwarranted sadness.
Playing SimCity Buildit. Secret’s out, I’ve been playing this game since late 2014 and have not stopped since. There’s something about mindlessly building a city, fulfilling city needs, and playing a virtual God that really made me commit to this one. With the introduction of groups and social trading (of goods) I’ve also become part of a small community of players that I talk to each day.
The good old K-drama. In addition to being a feast on the eyes, it just takes you to a good place. It’s another realm of first world goodness mixed with familiar values that just draws you in. This year alone I’ve gone through 4 of them. It’s all in my life log.
Window shopping online, clicking “add to cart” on all my wants with the satisfaction of the act of being a consumeristic hoe, then closing the whole window and never looking back. Sometimes I do succumb to the Buy Now button but still call it a victory because I could have done worse (I KNOW THIS IS THE WORST LOGIC OK). Thanks but no thanks, Glossier.
My dog Koko contributes to a huge part of a stress-free life. I don’t know what I’d do without her quirks and smarts that I still find so amusing a year into her arrival to our household.
Filling up my bullet journal in the attempts to make my life seem so adult and organized.
Buying things spontaneously when I’m at the mall. I hate this, but it’s in this list.
Mango Cheese Snow in Snow Shack never fails to lift up my spirits.
Terrace House that made me buy a VPN subscription ffs so I could keep up with episodes in Japan. Also I’ve been hanging out a lot in the Terrace House subreddit it might be a little unhealthy.
Dreaming about upcoming travels that have been planned, and the euphoria I feel when my money goes to something that’s totally millenial—travel.
Reading astrology-related things, the best entertainment value there is.
As much as I’d love to just write and write about things that make me happy, I’ve decided to keeping it to a minimum of a recent 10 so that next time I find more weird things that satisfy my vibes channel. I didn’t even mention cliche ones like, going to the beach, hanging out with [insert name here], etc etc. What’s the point of me writing this when it’s just things the entire population likes to do?
In July of 2015 I made the decision to finally have my tonsils out. I remember it was an emotionally tough time but I figured it was for the best. Throughout that year I had been severely hit with bouts of tonsilitis that were even more frequent than usual (I used to get it at least once every 2 months), and I realized it didn’t feel right anymore. I may have been used to getting it, but never those that limited my day to day activities or even be admitted to the hospital!
To cut the story short, here I am 2 years later, tonsil free and couldn’t have been more thankful and relieved that I made that decision.
I still get the remnants of mental reflex though. Whenever I eat or drink something sweet I always try to feel my tonsils in case they flare up or swell. I don’t think I’ll truly ever get over that. Something 27 years of habitual actions can never fix.
To this day it is one of the best possible decisions I have ever made in my life. No more tonsillitis, no more flared up throat. The post-op pain that lasted for nearly a month was worth a lifetime of no more agony, I can say. Haha. Happy 2 years to my free throat!
I’m not sure what’s causing this inner terror that’s bothering me right now but I don’t like it at all. It’s making me lose my subconsciousness and depriving me of being grateful for the little things, which I always try and focus on daily for my mental health. I can’t even enjoy a single K-drama without revisits of this annoying mental clutch.
I’ve been so focused on my new job and the unknowingly jarring difference of now getting into the hang of an office life vs the remote life that I lived for a year and a half. That was good for my mental and professional reset after having been in a toxic environment for a while, before the lone wolf life took a toll on me again. This time however, the demons in my head seem to be self-inflicting and I’m not a big fan. I’m always beating myself up for losing control of my and letting anxiety win again. By writing this I hope I at least feel a little better.
A part of me wants to just stay home and wallow in all of the negativity but the other side of me is also urging me to get my ass up and recharge with my friends (update: I went out and saw friends! I’m so glad I did). I haven’t really had a proper hangout or seen my friends since my birthday season. My social life has sort of taken a backseat and I think it may be one of the attributes to feeling this way. I don’t know maaan, maybe this is PMS, but that’s also questionable because my PCOS is acting up again.
As I read what I wrote the morning after, I now admittedly feel better. I went out to dinner with my girlfriends, I upped my magnesium dosage last night before I went to bed, and I didn’t watch a K-drama after 12 midnight because I love myself. I realize it’s always going to be about self-love. But there are times when things get shitty and when they do, they really do. I’m happy I got to recharge last night because honestly, that was all I needed. The cycle may start again, but I will work on myself again. The seas may not be always be calm, but you can always choose to get through the waves to cross the other side.