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Around the Web #1

Published by Justine

Welcome! I’ve been wanting to do this for a long time now because I read so much shit online that I might as well share it here. It’s a list of links that I come across, read, learn from, and bookmark from around the web. It’s something that I’ll try to do as often as long as I remember to bookmark the links that I’ve read or liked.

Here goes..

I have been obsessed with Ellen Pao (and her husband, Buddy Fletcher) articles the whole weekend. I don’t know how many I’ve read but the two above were what struck me the most. Honestly, I don’t know how to feel about the whole situation. My main concern is that it’s crazy how she still chose to work at the same company she felt so strongly (and sued) against. With her background and intelligence, she could have worked anywhere.. or even set up her own empire. Everything’s so crazy to the point that it almost doesn’t make sense.

A lot of things (with the exception of religion) that were listed there made a lot of sense to me and I totally related to. Your 20s is such a pivotal time in your life because it’s where you get to learn what life really has to offer.

It’s always very inspiring reading about celebrities and their battle with mental disorders. The stigma nowadays is still so bad (especially for people in the limelight) that I admire the courage it would take for them to talk about their struggle with it.

I feel I’m gonna have to look back on this entry every time I turn a decade older. It lists out the financial matters you’re “supposed” to take into account and separates them every decade. Personally I don’t see myself opening a retirement fund anytime soon but I do have an insurance plan that I don’t plan to touch until I’m old and unemployed. Does that count?

That’s it for this entry! I was supposed to have a few more but I realized I didn’t want to populate the page too much if I were to talk about every link I mentioned. I prefer this way of being able to explain my side for every link I post to make it a bit more personal. After all, this is very much a personal blog.

The Sunday Currently, v11

Published by Justine

FEELING
I am finally discharged from the hospital after being admitted for 3 days and 2 nights. I’m feeling the after effects of hospitalization right now.. my throat hurts day 3 post-op, my jaw kind of hurts, my tongue hurts, and a little bit of my chest hurts when I try to breathe heavily. I’m not allowed to cough, to exert any effort, lay down flat on my back (neck to head needs to be elevated), lift heavy stuff, or talk too loud. That’s the extent of my physical pain right now. All else, still a mix bag of emotions.

READING
South of the Border, West of the Sun by Haruki Murakami. I’ve been on a roll with my reading lately. It seems like I’m reading a new book each time I write a new TSC post. I hoarded books for my recovery reading and I hope I get to finish them in a span of one week.

LISTENING
The only thing I can hear right now is the sound my room A/C. Truth to be told, I haven’t slept in my room for over a month now and I admit it feels a bit weird to be back in my bed again. I temporarily moved to my sister’s room the past month because I needed to “get away” from a previous routine and detach myself from a certain memory. I’m now back in my room because it’s bigger and more conducive to my recovery but I’m still getting a certain feeling that I wish would go away already. I guess I need to accept this and hopefully it will pass.

EATING
Nothing at the moment, but I just finished eating a quarter of a tub of strawberry ice cream that a close friend bought for me when I got home. That’s pretty much my diet for the upcoming days: ice cream and porridge. There are still a lot of restrictions after my tonsillectomy and if I want to get better ASAP then I have to strictly follow doctors orders. I’d rather be eating a burger than ice cream though, but I’ll take what I can get.

HOPING
That my recovery goes well and there will be no post-surgery bleeding. The doctor says this likely happens and I’ve read a lot of instances where it does. Basically during the recovery process there’s a chance that your throat just bleeds randomly and you may have to be rushed to the ER for it. I’m crossing my fingers that this doesn’t happen and that I’ll have a smooth transition from surgery to recovery.

THINKING
As much as I want to dodge this one I feel like I need to confront my thoughts but there are just too many right now. Career decisions, matters of the heart, health issues, money matters, too many! How do I segregate these thoughts properly so that it won’t overpopulate my already overpopulated mind?

LOVING
How the family is complete right now. My dad arrived on the morning of my surgery and I am just so happy we are finally one unit again.

On Nerves and Recovery

Published by Justine

It’s exactly 2:03am and I cannot sleep. A lot of things are happening today. My dad arrives from Jakarta/Singapore in a couple of hours, and I have to check myself into the hospital for my tonsillectomy later today. By 6am, I will have to zip my mouth (as what my doctor says, but really it’s just fasting) to prep for my surgery at noon. I’m just here in bed winging this entry because I’ve been tossing and turning, a ball of confusion, and nerves, and the let’s-just-get-it-over-with mindset. Surgery = tonsillectomy.

If you’ve read my blog long enough you know that I’ve been struggling with tonsillitis on and off. I was hospitalized last April for the very same reason and my health has just been on major ping pong this year because of this crazy throat. Heck, even if you enter the word “tonsil” in my blog search bar there are a lot of entries from over the years that prove that this has been a recurring evil all throughout my existence. I think it makes a lot of sense that I have it removed, right? This isn’t really my first surgery too. I’ve had an appendectomy when I was in 3rd grade so it’s not really about that.

My mom isn’t all for this procedure at all. She has this fear that it may ruin my vocal chords and I won’t be able to sing like I used to anymore. Initially that was also my biggest worry, then I started researching on singers who had their tonsils removed and Kristin Chenoweth is still an exceptional singer, so I’m banking on that. My dad, on the other hand, has had his removed many years ago so he’s definitely encouraging. I guess the reason why it took me THIS long to make a decision was the too many voices left and right and factors to weigh on whether I should be doing it or not.

When I met my new ENT last week, he said my throat looks like it’s been through a lot and directly advised me to have it removed after I told him my lifelong struggle of being my tonsils’ bitch. He’s one of the best ENT’s in this region and it would be stupid to just overlook that and not follow his orders. I am living proof that this illness has been fucking up my health all throughout my life so I used all my adult decision making powers and decided to go with it, without the influence of others.

To be honest, I’m not scared about the procedure or the surgery itself. I am in good hands because this doctor is the best (thus very expensive) and I know it’s probably just a recurring activity for him in the operating room. What I am most worried about is my recovery period. Post-op tonsillectomy is absolutely shit as I’ve read and I am not looking forward to feeling pain everywhere in my throat, my nose, my jaw, or anywhere pain comes out. I know I have to go through hell before I bounce back but that’s where the nerves are! I guess I just have to put my high tolerance with pain to major use and make sure I get through it all. Reading the #tonsillectomy hashtag on Twitter has been helping (or not? like wow people are in PAIN) as I know I’m not on my own.

Either way, I’m FINALLY saying goodbye to my tonsils and I don’t think it’s something that I will miss. It has made me its bitch for a while now and I’m finally getting rid of it. Update you when I’m done and let’s see how the hurt ruins me! Ha-ha.

The Sunday Currently, v10

Published by Justine

It’s technically a Monday but I’ve had this entry lined up from last night that it would be a waste not to post it only because it’s past the day it’s supposed to be posted. Fuck blogging rules, right? Over the weekend I had no access to my laptop and my mobile was basically on overdrive so the thought of being able to post a concrete blog post totally escaped me.

—

FEELING
Pretty great to say the least. I’m currently in Manila right now and the weekend is about to come to a close. Even though I booked flights impulsively (woes of a broken heart) I was still hesitant to fly because my health hasn’t exactly been optimum for a while now. I’m glad I did anyway because I had such a great time. Being with Jakarta friends just really takes burden off my shoulders and makes me feel like home, even amidst Manila craziness.

READING

Sophie Kinsella’s Finding Audrey. It’s a YA book about a young girl and her struggle with mental disorder. As soon as I read the back cover copy I didn’t even think twice and immediately bought it. It hits very close to home, even though I haven’t been reading much YA lately.

LISTENING
To the sound of Manila rain.

HOPING
For a smooth flight tomorrow morning and that I can actually catch some sleep before my two jobs.

THINKING
Things I need to look forward to so I don’t take another million steps back.

WISHING
To pay off my credit card bills and start over from scratch. But I’ve got bills to pay and places to go, so that pace will have to be a slow one for now.

EATING
I ate at Todd English Food Hall (because it was the least packed and was totally my vibe) in SM Aura tonight and I’m still thinking about all the yummy food I got to taste. I wish they had it in Cebu.

WEARING
My friend Patrick’s cotton shirt and comfy shorts.

—

It’s good to be back in Cebu.

The Sunday Currently, v9

Published by Justine

FEELING
I’m okay for the most part, but generally anxious because of decisions I have to make that involves a lot of things at stake. Despite having a relaxing Sunday at home because of the rain (curse you), I did not sleep well at all.

READING
God-Shaped Hole by Tiffanie DeBartolo! Ham recommended me this book a few days ago and I’m almost halfway through it. It’s about a 27-year-old girl who falls in love with a quirky man and the book tells the story of their relationship. I relate to the girl in more ways than her age. I have a feeling this isn’t going to end well, but I’m ready for that.

WRITING
This blog post and a few comments on blogs on my list to read.

LISTENING
In between CNN Philippines and Cousins Undercover on Lifestyle Channel right now. This is the first time I’m blogging in the living room in front of the tv because I just need to occupy my mind.

THINKING
About so many things. You don’t even know. My anxiety levels are through the roof this weekend. I don’t know if it’s because of the weather, because of my never-ending tonsillitis, the state of my heart, my career path, and plans for this week. I can’t seem to get my mind at ease, despite being a lazy Sunday. More than anything I blame this gloomy and rainy weather for making things worse.

WISHING
For a fun trip this coming weekend (can’t wait!) and that it will help me take my mind off a lot of things and see my friends. I wish for great weather this week as well, can’t have this gloomy rainy bullshit anymore.

NEEDING
For this tonsillitis to go away, I’ve been on antibiotics and anti bacterial meds for the past week and it’s still persisting. I need to see an ENT doctor this week to finally address this problem. I have a feeling I’m about to get a tonsillectomy and I wonder what my mom will say about it when she’s so against it. I’m scared as well, but I’ve been suffering too much this year and I just want this to go away.

WANTING
His hugs. I won’t even lie to this blog, let alone to myself.

LOVING
That amidst everything that’s been happening, life still shows me reasons to appreciate it. I admit there is a time when I feel like I’m never going to bounce back anymore but this way I get to really know what counts.