Otherworldly

I feel like I need to type out that age in words to fully grasp that I’ve actually turned a year older in this crazy, crazy year. It’s now mid-June and almost a month since my birthday, but 2020 still feels like that continuous fog that’s just hanging over you with no signs of going away.

My birthday consisted of being very busy at work, but surprised with a lot of messages and sweet gestures from friends who either sent me food, goodies, gifts, and an Animal Crossing birthday party to wrap it up.

Before getting Animal Crossing, I was having anxiety attacks left and right about the whole situation and the nastiness that’s been affecting the world, and I’m extremely grateful to have had the resources to get both the Switch and the game so quickly. Thanks to this game, my family, my work, and friends offline and especially online, I don’t think I would have “survived” this quarantine in this current mental state of still being okay.

Last week I left my area for the first time since March. I went shopping with friends since the city started to lift some restrictions and closures. I felt like a kid going to Disneyland for the first time, but leaving that Disneyland feeling very paranoid about things. Did I touch anything unsafe? My throat is itchy do I have it now?

Needless to say, it’s still very much unsafe to move around anywhere. My one wish for my birthday? For everything to be okay again.

Pre-meditation quarantine edition.

FEELING
Honestly? Like I’m about to have another anxiety attack any minute. I had 2 major ones last week but none yet after that, thank goodness. Otherwise, I’ve been feeling pretty okay and trying to stay as positive as I can. I’ve been exercising, reading books, meditating, doing yoga.. activities that I’ve been putting off because of how every day life gets so busy.

WATCHING
I was watching a rerun of New Moon on HBO Family while eating my dinner and my mom was saying how it was totally a downer so we ended up watching this documentary in Indonesian on Arirang. It was about a social enterprise that Koreans built in Jakarta to help kids on the street gain skills for jobs in the city to better the society.

LISTENING
I just discovered this remix today and totally loving it.. then I realize is it the one that’s been around on Tiktok so much? Tiktok has seriously changed the way we’ve been feeling songs.

READING

After I Do by Taylor Jenkins Reid. I’ve been having a good streak with reading so far, and it was one of my goals for the year—see blog post below. I didn’t think I would be able to catch up on reading because of a current world pandemic but alas, that’s where we’re at.

EATING
Carrot walnut cake with amazing cream cheese frosting. Thankful that my favorite sweet indulgences in Cebu are still open doing deliveries and pickups.

THINKING
About possible things to do this coming week because I don’t have work and it’s supposed to be Easter break / Holy Week. I’m trying to put on a mindset about how I’m supposed to look forward to this holiday week even with this quarantine season going on. Thinking in terms of what I would do if I just got off a full week of busy work and a week-long staycation is waiting for me at home. It’s a challenge, but it helps.

HOPING
Ah, a lot. For this COVID situation to go away, for the health and safety of all those affected and the frontliners who are in their aid, for the government to step up, for Cebu to continue to have this streak of no infections (3 days and counting now), and for the world to restore back to its original state.

As many of you probably know, the world is being hit by a pandemic. I can’t believe we’re actually alive to witness such a crazy thing. We’re at the 4th month of the year but it feels like one long hellish January. Bad things after bad things have happened since the start of the year and at this point, the future feels a little bleak. I decided to write something in here because this quarantine is also testing my mental health, if we’re being entirely honest. The past two weeks I was still going to the office for about a few days a week so I’m only really feeling the effects of it now that I am officially housebound.

I should be used to it, right? I was a digital nomad for 2 years. The staying at home part is fine, it’s the reduced mobility and having no choice of places to go is what’s been quite stressful. I decided to make a schedule for myself because we still have about 4 weeks left of this, and I hope by sticking to that schedule time will pass by quickly and the next thing we know, it’s back to the usual grind.

With that, I’ve decided to create a list of things I’ve been doing that have been personally positive, and things I can’t wait to do until this all blows over.

• Everyday yoga or exercise – can you believe? Even my gym membership didn’t let me do this shit. Which reminds me, my membership ends this month and I have no more plans to renew it, especially since I can work out at home like this. I will miss the group classes though.
• Work – it’s one of the main things keeping me sane right now, to be honest.
• Fangirling – it may not be part of the schedule, mostly coz it’s embedded in me, lol. Whether it’s Terrace House or K-pop, that’s already on the list.
• Cleaning – no cleaners for about a month or so, so I definitely had to put deep cleaning once a week. I clean a bit every day or so, but I need to do that deep clean on weekends to make sure I like the space I’m in, for my room to be a healthy place to stay with everything happening right now.

Now the things I want to do once I get out of this quarantine? Call me Queen Superficial, but so many things I’ve been taking for granted that I miss!

• Pamper myself – that includes a good wax session, a facial, a nice hair treatment (or even a haircut coz my hair can’t be helped), manicure and pedicure, all the girly things that I’m always like, “Ok later I have no event to attend anyway.”
• Unlimited sangria with my friends where we laugh all night without a care in the world. I’m actually tearing up as I write this.
• A visit to my OB GYN – I’m due for my annual visit to check out my PCOS and my yearly maintenance meds are almost out. I need to know if my condition has gotten better for me to move to the next step.
• A good brunch with mum and sis – nothing beats our food trips.

Real life can’t come any sooner. I’m just hoping this will all seem like a long break from things, and we can bounce back better than ever.

Happy new year! It’s so hard to explain what 2019 was like for me. It seemed like something that just passed by and I had no control over it. If there’s one thing I came to know about myself in the past decade, it’s that I hate having no control.

I’ve had 3 weeks off this holiday season—perks of working in a school—with no travel plans. And in beneath all of the adulting things I had to do like visit my doctor, go to the dentist, and score myself a dermatologist that I have to see regularly (more on that soon, or just ask me), the thought of having no routine gave me hella anxiety. Wop wop. Anxiety’s been with me the past decade starting full time in 2009 and as years go by, it’s still my enemy most times. Every year I make strides for it to change, but I admit it still gets left in the back-burner because of other priorities and life in general. This 2020, it’s going to be an uphill climb but I’ll try my best.. wish me luck!

Last night the family went to dinner at a restaurant in the mountains and we welcomed 2020 overlooking different fireworks displays around the city. It was definitely something new for me and I’d love to experience something like that again, a nice way to welcome the new year.

Thanks to FB Memories, I was able to look back at all my Christmases/holiday seasons for the past decade:

• 2010 – Jakarta
• 2011 – Medellin (last one as a “balikbayan“!)
• 2012 – Medellin (first Christmas being back in Cebu for good)
• 2013 – Medellin (aftermath of Typhoon Yolanda)
• 2014 – Jakarta
• 2015 – New York and the East Coast
• 2016 – Singapore
• 2017 – Cebu City
• 2018 – Jakarta & Semarang
• 2019 – Medellin (with Typhoon Ursula 😭)

I don’t want to write about Typhoon Ursula because that shit was traumatizing since we were so close to the eye being at the province and everything. I still can’t sleep well at night so I’m taking comfort that it was over and hopefully I don’t ever have to deal with anything of the sort again in the near future.

New Years’ resolutions and goals? Who are they? But really, mental health restoration is at the top of the list, as well as being more comfortable saying no to things that don’t serve me, and saying yes to things that will challenge me and help me move forward. Also, read more books girl!!! My book-reading has absolutely plummeted the past few years and I really want to change that.

Thank you, 2019 and let’s be a little kinder to ourselves as much as we hope 2020 to be kinder to us (what?). Cheers to the new decade.