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Friday’s 10 Happy Things, v4

Published by Justine

When Helga tweeted a reminder yesterday to do this week’s happy things, I realized it’s been over a month since my last one! I just got out of the hospital AGAIN after a 2-day stint (3rd time this year) so this week (actually the whole 2 months of June and July) has been a challenging one. Here I am still powering through! Let’s get it on.

  • Post tonsillectomy recovery. It was a rough couple of weeks but this week was the opening to my full recovery. Goodbye, pain!
  • FOOD. I am finally back to eating normally. You don’t know how happy this makes me.
  • A new company phone. After months of struggling with Java enabled WhatsApp on my old Nokia, my boss in Singapore bought me an Android! Ah. The start of better, productive things.
  • A weekend at the beach. It wasn’t just a weekend at the beach, or my parents’ hometown, or a place that I always go back to.. it was a chance to spend time and bond with my parents for a relaxing 2 days. My dad left for Indonesia again 2 days ago so it was a great opportunity for me to spend that weekend with him because while he was here, much of my time was spent in bed recovering.
  • August. I’d like to think that a new month means a renewal of sorts and a cleanse from all the bad juju of the previous month.
  • A new friend. I’ve been a social recluse lately but I gained a new friend who I am learning a lot from.
  • Foodpanda. Your cravings right at your doorstep. I ordered food while I was in the hospital and they delivered it right to my suite! One of my best friends just became FP’s Operations Manager in Cebu so that comes with supporting him too. The best part is, they take online payment (debit/credit card, PayPal) so you don’t have to scramble for money to pay the delivery guy.
  • Paying bills on time. I admit I’ve been losing track of time lately and have just been paying my bills randomly without following a set schedule. I’m now on my way to tracking my finances right so I don’t lose sight of which bill my money went to.
  • Core Girls Group. Last night was a noisy WhatsApp group night and I almost couldn’t keep up! I’m glad I have my girlfriends even though we’re all spread out across different cities. Cebu. Manila. Jakarta. (sometimes) Singapore. It’s crazy but after almost 2 decades we still have each other.
  • Life’s challenges. As much as I wanted to NOT put this on the list, I realized I have to. These past 2 months have been a major test in my life. Challenge after challenge after challenge. It hasn’t been easy and continues to be a test to myself but knowing I can still wake up the next day and attempt to turn things around should be motivation enough to keep powering through with a smile. This is just temporary.
Ditz Revolution

My Journey to Tonsillectomy Recovery

Published by Justine

It’s officially day 13 of my road to post-op tonsillectomy recovery. I wanted to write about this whole ordeal so that I’d have something to look back on when I’m feeling shitty and make myself realize I’ve been in a shittier time such as this. No joke. Even celebrities who went through it can attest to that (yup, it’s good emotional band-aid for what I’m feeling).

 

The people close to me who went through tonsillectomy as adults are all men: my dad, and 2 Titos (uncle). They said I’d be fine. That tonsil-free life will be breezy, that I would only lose the ability to eat for a few days and it will all be happiness and ice cream for a week tops. They did NOT mention the pain.

Here are the things I’ve had to go through in the past 13 days of craziness:

  • Tonsillectomy recovery in adulthood hurts. A lot. I KNEW that it would hurt. Prior to my scheduled surgery I would go through twitter’s #tonsillectomy hashtag and read tweets from people suffering during their recovery process. I took it all into heart but didn’t really imagine the kind of pain I would be dealing with.
  • Surgery was a breeze. I was given general anesthesia then zapped into the realm of nothingness while they did shit to my throat. Waking up in the recovery room with all the pain suppressants administered during surgery starting to wear off was the start of my agonizing journey. Pre and post-surgery I could not eat or drink anything. From Friday morning to Sunday morning (or about 30 hours in total) all I had to put in my mouth were my meds and the tiniest sip of water to help it go down. I am serious. The IV drip was my lifeline.
  • I admit I have a pretty good threshold for pain (brazilian wax is almost a walk in the park, not afraid of needles) but this wasn’t really all about the pain. It was more about daily survival because it isn’t the kind of pain that just hits you once then gradually ends in a few hours or so. It literally lingers for days (weeks now, in my experience) on end and that’s where I had the hardest time, I think. Dealing with it all. It messes with you mentally and physically.
  • Reading this recent entry about another blogger’s tonsillectomy recovery process, I found myself agreeing to most of the things she mentioned. This inspired me to make my own.
  • Social media was my punching bag through it all. I would post about my struggle every waking moment on Twitter and update my Facebook friends about how I was going through hell. It became my therapy for when I wanted to scratch my eyes out from all the discomfort I was feeling.
  • The first week, painkillers were my best friend. Then came a point where it didn’t work as well as it did anymore. That was also a struggle in itself. I also have this fear that I would become so dependent on them so I never did once ask for an increase in dose or re-filled my prescription. Powered through the pain.
  • I experienced bleeding last week. Suddenly I felt blood in my throat so I spat the weird feeling out in the sink and there was blood, then blood clots, then I started feeling/tasting blood all over my throat. It freaked me out so much, then suddenly I felt like my throat had just been slit open by a small blade and I couldn’t talk because it would sting. So all I did was cry and ask my mom to call my ENT. He said to just keep eating ice cubes and if it persisted go to the ER. I don’t know how many ice cubes I ate that night. For precaution I still did go to the ER even though the bleeding gradually subsided. Good thing there was no active bleeding anymore once I reached the ER but when the doctor let me open my mouth to check on it, I then gagged a blood clot out. That seemed like the last of it. What an ordeal. I was sent home half an hour later with a prescription to stop the bleeding. The next day, no more blood.
  • Tonsillectomy recovery doesn’t hinder you too much to do things outside of eating.. you can walk, do normal things as long as it doesn’t take physical effort, do work provided that it’s in bed (I did a lot of remote work from bed otherwise I would have gone crazy thinking about the pain) but because your diet is so bad, you’re hardly eating and/or not eating right, you feel so weak and the pain just keeps you from doing anything! Of course the whole thought of trying to avoid a bleeding scare was also a good reason to stay put and keep yourself busy with things you can do in bed. Thank goodness for technology.. and books! Reading while in the hospital kept me sane throughout all the pain and the inability to talk.
  • I am known to have a volume when I talk. Post-tonsillectomy, that all changed. I could barely talk with my usual volume, it became challenging to speak with my usual tone and for a good week I hardly spoke. If I needed to, I spoke really softly without exerting any effort into my vocal chords. Somehow any vibration would hurt my throat. It was rough. Literally.
  • Don’t even get me started on yawning, burping, coughing, or sneezing (in that order) because that was hell. Yawning, in particular takes the cake. In the first week of my recovery I made sure I slept a lot so I hardly yawned, but during the second week I started going to work half days so yawning was more frequent, and more annoying. I just yawned right about now and even though I consider myself to be on the road to full recovery, it still hurts like fuck.
  • My diet for about a week had to be cold, soft, and not spicy. Ice cream was a good remedy but it was still annoying because it produced a lot of snotty feels inside my throat. Ice was my best friend. Porridge was my diet for a good 10 days. Not pretty and I don’t think I can look at another porridge for a while now. I lost weight, somewhere around 10-15lbs (HOPE I KEEP IT). How could I not when there are times I did not eat for a good 40 hours. I could survive. Because even hunger couldn’t win against the pain I felt every time I tried to swallow something.
  • I have a cold right now. My throat is so fucking itchy and my snot very liquid that it falls on its own. I keep sneezing too. It’s not a pretty feeling but it’s bearable. A fellow tonsillectomy survivor on twitter told me that this is probably opiate withdrawal (especially codeine my bff for a while). I stopped taking my pain meds because I didn’t want to be too dependent and as a result, I am met with this cold. And cough. A full-blown flu, basically. It sucks.

I guess this will all end soon, right? Day 13 and counting. I hope when I create another entry I will have better things to say about this ordeal. For now, that’s the rough journey I had to go through to reach this point. In retrospect, time seems to pass by pretty quickly and the next thing I know, I could be pain-free. I cannot wait.

Around The Web #2: Inspirational Edition

Published by Justine

I’ve been reading a lot of “feel-good” or “get back on your feet” stuff online and it gave me the idea to do an Around the Web entry. This stemmed from the realization that no matter how shitty, down, lonely, depressed, helpless, low you feel, you are not alone. You are not singled out from any misery in life.

I came across a lengthy status from an old college friend on Facebook about how she was having a hard time, that she had no one to talk to, no shoulder to cry on, and despite having a husband and 2 lovely children she has never felt more alone than ever. Having a bit of a hard time myself, I told her that while I do not completely understand her situation, I know it’s not easy. That we all go through these tough ropes at some point in our life, but we have to constantly remind ourselves that this is all temporary, and at the end of the day we are all we have so we have to do our best to nurture ourselves, take care of ourselves, and most of all love ourselves.

Here are a few snippets from around the web that I hope will inspire you as much as they have been an inspirational read for me.

If your heart is beating, if your lungs are breathing, if you are still alive… then it is not too late to do something kind, creative, generous, satisfying, and courageous. Today.

It is not too late to behave like the person you want to be — instead of continuing in a cycle of behavior that you will regret.

The commitments you make to yourself are just as important, if not more so, than the commitments you make to everybody else.

Recently, I read this very powerful quote by August Gold: “To enter the conversation with Life we only have to change one key word: We have to stop asking, ‘Why is this happening to me?’ and start asking, ‘Why is this happening for me?’ When we can do this, we’re free.”

”Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.”

The well of loneliness may have run dry, but in its place there are pools of possibilities, lakes we have yet to dive into, oceans we can allow ourselves to drown in. Most of the time it still feels like the current is against me—there are still a lot of blank screens and empty pages—but on some days, good days, I can float on the assurance that my words are still safely within me, only swimming in a way that’s different and exciting and daunting and new.

Every person faces setbacks in life, I don’t know anybody whose not had face something difficult to get where they are today. There are so many circumstances that we cannot control but how we come back from them is totally in our power. Just because you’ve had something set you back doesn’t [mean] you’re a failure. We should never let those situations define us.

The Sunday Currently, v12

Published by Justine

FEELING
A little bit better, hopefully? It’s Day 9 of post-op recovery from tonsillectomy and while the previous days have been absolutely torture, I can actually see a bit of light at the end of the tunnel. If you follow my twitter then you would have probably seen my tweets of the same kind below. The past week has been crazy. Tonsillectomy recovery in adults is not for the faint-hearted. I am glad I got to have a little bit of outside R&R this weekend because my family decided to book rooms at a beach resort nearby. After being cooped up in my room for a good 5 days crying in pain, I think I needed a different atmosphere.

Other than that, today I found something that had the potential to break me and put me at my lowest. If this were me a month ago, I would have probably flipped and allowed myself to reach rock bottom. Somehow today is a different day and after a good cry to one of my best guy friends, I decided to pull myself up and see things a little bit clearer.

HOPING
That whatever today’s decision was for myself, I will stick with it and let myself follow through. Just a little push day by day and I should be good, yes?

READING

Milan Kundera’s The Unbearable Lightness of Being. I am happy to report that my reading streak each week has not been broken, yay! This book isn’t in my comfort zone so it’s taking me quite a while to finish it. Usually when that happens I tend to stop in the middle and try to move on to another book, but the characters really draw me in, and the journey of how relationships are formed and maintained are so complex, yet so close to the heart at the same time. It would be such a waste to stop reading it.

Also, I found this “quote” on Facebook from a friend’s profile that struck me like thunder, so I’d like to share it here:

“Not all toxic people are cruel and uncaring. Some of them love us dearly. Most of them have good intentions. Most are toxic to our being simply because their needs and way of existing in the world force us to compromise ourselves and our happiness. They aren’t inherently bad people, but they aren’t the right people for us. And as hard as it is, we have to let them go. As much as you care, you can’t destroy yourself for the sake of someone else. You have to make your well-being a priority. Whether that means breaking up with someone, loving a family member from a distance, letting go of a friend, or removing yourself from a situation that feels painful—you have every right to leave and create a safer space for yourself.”

LISTENING
To my thoughts and trying to counter them when I deviate away from what I’m supposed to be thinking about. This should be a good start!

WATCHING

After about more than a year, I am finally opening myself up to Korean watchables again! I suddenly had the urge and selected I Order You (당신을 주문합니다) on Viki out of pure randomness. Honestly, I don’t know what made me choose it considering Yunho is the main lead and has been known to not be the best at acting (I love you bb, and you can sing, dance, AND perform but acting.. hmm) but the FOOD PORN in this series is glorious. The leading man is a chef and the series is centered around a lot of pretty food so I think that’s what made me initially stay. Once you get through the first 2 episodes the storyline starts to get pretty interesting that I’m actually looking forward to continuing it now.

LOVING

The Archie reboot! I can’t wait for Issue #2 and getting the comics in my hands. As a kid I was such a follower of the Archie series (I mean, who wasn’t?) and seeing as how this reboot looks great, with a substantial story to follow makes me really look forward to the rest of the series.

WISHING
THAT I WILL BE FULLY RECOVERED WITHIN THIS WEEK! I cannot wait until I finally conquer this tonsillectomy recovery process! This month has been CRAZY! I wish all the craziness in my heart, mind, throat and body would take a backseat for a while so I can focus on the good in my life, and ultimately stop dwelling on the things that hurt.

What Are My Hidden Talents?

Published by Justine

When The B Bar introduced another link-up for July, it immediately caught my eye and wanted to write about it. I admit I am quite selective with linkups but I will not pass up a chance to write about something that interests me, especially since I’ve been doing so well with blogging lately. I also like that this is another one of those entries that require positive self-introspection and that’s always a good cognitive exercise.

What constitutes a hidden talent, really? Is it the something that you know you can do well but other people don’t know, or something that you have yet to discover but actually possess it (does that even make sense)? In my understanding it has always been the former, so let’s get on with it!

Cooking
I consider myself to be pretty okay at cooking. It’s mostly trial and error, but people who eat the meals I prepare are pretty satisfied by the end of the course. By no means am I a chef in the making, or have any formal education for it but I’m not a stranger in the kitchen and can probably whip up something with whatever’s left on the fridge or pantry. Growing up my mom would always do the Sunday dinner cooking at home back in Jakarta if we’re not eating out and I would watch her and learn or follow everything that she does. This is how I knew the basic ingredients and how to make everything work even with just a little. Thanks, momma!

Fist in Mouth
I am not proud of this “hidden talent” but it makes for a comical story, provided that I don’t actually have to demonstrate it, but oftentimes I have to when it’s brought up. I can fit my whole fist into my mouth. I don’t know if it’s because I have small hands or I just really have a big mouth. Either way, it’s funny.

Tech Stuff
Being a child of the internet, my skills are nowhere compared to my counterparts online. But in the real world, they actually matter, much to my surprise. I do a lot of troubleshooting and fixing different devices for family and friends. I’m usually pretty successful and not charge anything because I feel like it’s something that can actually be done easily with the help of online articles and troubleshooting guides. Although I feel like I should be charging if I end up doing too much, because that would mean utilizing my time, right? I remember my ex-boss giving me 3 broken iPhones and I managed to fix all of them. Huh. I kind of feel bad when I start “charging” though, but I feel even more annoyed when other places charge an arm and a leg for them.

Finding Deals Online
I am probably at level 4 (out of 10) for this one but I consider it a pretty good feat (mostly because my family depends on me for it). There have been quite a few instances where I got really great deals online, whether for plane tickets, hotel stays, the normal shopping spree coupon codes, or even downloads for stuff that can’t be named (if you know what I mean).

Check out these lovely bloggers below to know about their hidden talents too!

Alyssa J Freitas
Annie Reeves
The Not Quite Adult
Equal Parts of a Whole
Life Modifier
soak and simmer
Carrie Loves
Otherworldly
Emilie Lima Burke
Knowing Kelly
Something Good
PreppyPanache
Cassandra Monroe

Ember & March
Rossetto
Feathers and Stripes
Leigh Clair
Southern Soul
All The Pretty Stars
Perfect Enough For Us
Mrs. on the Move
The Toppy Top
Mint Julep Girl
A Minimalist Blog
Beauty and the Pitch
Meg Biram