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Hate Is a Strong Word

I hate..

how I’m not reading books anymore.

how I stopped writing on my Moleskine once life started happening, which totally sucks because I promised myself in the beginning of the year that it would be the only New Years’ Resolution I’d complete.

how I can’t fucking fix my clothes right after changing 5x a day coz I can’t decide what to wear.

how I haven’t took out and arranged all the contents of my moving box from Jakarta simply coz I’m “too lazy”.

how I’m nearing quarter life crisis.

how I have really poor financial skills. Save save save!

how I can’t really get rid of my BlackBerry because I have so many family members and friends on it.

how I feel like an idiot whenever I switch from my BlackBerry and iPhone.

how snobbish I feel and sound writing those 2 statements above.

how I can’t even cook up a decent blog post despite so many things going on in my mind.

how my (irrational) fears still keep me from doing the things I really want to do. This one hits the most.

But beneath all that, I’m really loving what life has to offer right now. Sometimes I just need to remind myself how blessed I am by writing all the negativity because I know how much I’ve got to be thankful for. My mind works weirdly, you see.

Nothing More Than Feelings

I can feel quite the pressure nowadays. There are many things to do and stuff to think about that I’m feeling quite overwhelmed with everything that’s happening lately. My mom says I can go cry alone if I want to..  which I’ve already done. Small bits and pieces of crying here and there. It’s not like there’s anything negative happening in my life right now, I’m fairly content and happy with day to day stuff it’s just that sometimes you’re just hit with all these things at the same time and you think, “Hold up! Time out!” to yourself.

I won’t let April be a downer. These next two weekends I’m going to go hard. Come to think of it, I haven’t gone drinking in a while.. maybe I miss the intoxicating feeling of alcoholic substance in my system, which is good if done moderately, in my case I don’t, because there is HARDLY any moderately involved. Okay even I’m confusing myself out now.

Does it help that all I wanna do is lean on someone’s shoulder and ask for a cuddle? Wanted: boyfriend.

Disoriented

Best describes my thoughts right now. Ever since April started, I can’t seem to put my mind into place. Not sure if this is a good or bad thing, although it’s not bothering me all that much (subconsciously it isn’t, but when it comes to my mind it does) there’s still that weird feeling I get. I’m confused myself. I just get these moments like, “Okay let’s take a reality check. What is happening.” I’m thankful I have work to keep me sane and happy. Hope I figure out all of this soon.

March Recap

March has been nothing but interesting.. in so many damn ways. When I wished for an eventful 2012 and got it for January and February, I didn’t think March would be able to compete with it. Now it’s coming to an end (YAY PAYDAY!) and we soon welcome April.

I made so many new friends this month, even a few enemies. Funny how whenever I get psycho-vibes about someone they always turn out to be true. What’s worse was that she herself was the one that proved it. I would like to blog about it but I realized it’s better off forgotten and buried.

Let it be known that I’m always with my best friend Hazel. It helps that she only lives across me so most of the time we’re always together. I probably go out with her twice or even thrice a week when we’re both not busy and we just started a ritual where we try a new cafe or restaurant on Sundays. So far we’ve gone through 2, it’s so much fun.

A few weeks into March I dyed my hair to the lightest color I’ve ever had, and even though it doesn’t look like it in the photo, it really is light I didn’t really recognize myself the first 48 hours (LOL). Just a shame that my camera breaks down at the worst of times, I would’ve have had pictures-a-plenty to cherish and to laugh about.

Last week I went to watch Annebisyosa, the first non-singer concert I’ve ever been to. Many people asked why I went to watch Anne Curtis’s concert. Truth is, I’ve always liked her. Regardless of her non-existing singing talent I think she presents herself well, candid and really down-to-earth. Not to mention her beauty and body.

Work wise, I’m proud to say that I’ve come to establish a lot of friendships that I can really cherish and keep for a long time, but a job is never permanent. People come and go. I hope the people I consider my good friends here are friends that I can keep for life, regardless of whether we work in the same place or not.

Earlier this week I went and finally saw The Hunger Games movie. I read the book exactly last year (April 2011 to be exact) so I kind of forgot the specifics already. I consider that a good thing because when I re-read the book before the movie I tend to compare a lot of things and end up being dissatisfied. It’s safe to say I was really satisfied with this installment. It was a good depiction of the book. It may not have been a perfectly made movie but Jennifer Lawrence as Katniss and Josh Hutcherson as Peeta totally made up for it. I was a bit skeptical with this casting at first but they really proved themselves to be amazing actors that I know them to be.. and it was no different with this movie. Catching Fire was my favorite book so I’m excited at how it will come to life, I just hope it doesn’t take too long.

So that’s March for ya! The frequency (or lack of it) of my posts (I don’t even write that much on my Moleskine anymore–must change that!) have been really poor but I’m always glad I have this blog where I can write anytime I feel like it.