Latest Posts

On Feelings

Published by Justine

When it comes to love and all that stuff, I’ve never been good at “feelings”. I give out advice like I’m so pro at it, but the truth is I can’t communicate it well enough when it comes to myself. It happens to a lot of people and unfortunately I am one of them. So when these “feelings” come and enter my life, I’m at a loss. For words, for emotions, my mind and heart are in knots and I overanalyze, I overthink, and in the end it complicates things not only for myself but for everyone I communicate these “feelings” to. Sometimes I’m too hard on myself.. that I end up losing everything in the end. That’s probably what’s happening right now but other factors are also to blame. Like pride. Every one doesn’t want to lose their pride but there’s something in me that hurts, even when I’m just about to communicate with it, tell myself that it’s okay to feel things, it’s okay when these things happen. But pride overrides itself.

I’m such a Gemini. Plus a Taurus. I was born in the middle of both signs and since I can point nothing else accountable for the way my feelings operate I blame my horoscope. It’s simpler that way right? I may be a simple girl on the outside, but there is nothing simple about the way my mind operates. I have thirst for explanation and need for detail. I’m probably not making sense right now because I’m letting my mind do all the work in this entry. Ever since I got back from the Philippines my mind’s been in utter shambles, here and there. The thing I’m probably most thankful when it comes to these feelings is the fact that I can smile for no reason at least once a day. You have to find joy in every situation. This is mine.

Back In Jakarta

Published by Justine

There’s something about coming back from vacation in the Philippines that always leaves me to a state of utter slump when I’m back in Jakarta. Ever since I got back I haven’t been able to stop thinking about how great my vacation was. 14 days back home in Cebu certainly wasn’t enough but at the same time it filled me with so much euphoria, fun and excitement that I hardly cared about getting enough sleep or eating. I would get about only 2-3 hours of sleep a day but whenever I ate, I would always savor it because it’s food I hardly get to eat often. Home is where the heart is, and my homes are both in Cebu AND Jakarta, so it’s gonna make for a tough decision in the future. I have two SD cards overflowing with photos from my trip and as much as I want to share it right now, work has been piling up like mad. I arrived on the eve of Saturday and spent the day nursing a vacation hangover (involved falling asleep at random times–so weird) and Sunday catching up with friends the whole day then Monday, straight back to work.

Out of my two weeks, 10 days were spent in my parents’ hometown because of the town fiesta (which we inherited from our Spanish rule), spending time with family, longtime friends and many new friends I got to meet. Being there meant the beach was also very accessible so I got to visit different beaches and resorts (I lost count of how many I went to! Probably almost 10), which incidentally is the very meaning of my existence. I can be in the beach all day every day and for 10 days, well you probably know how that is for someone like me. I also finally got to visit Bantayan Island, and goodness. My heart is still there somewhere.

I don’t know how long this state of euphoric recollection is going to last but it’s giving me such bipolar moods. One minute I’m happy and smiling remembering everything and the next I want to cry because I miss everything that happened and want to re-live them again.

Vacation

Published by Justine

I’m on vacation right now and the past week has just been so amazing with lots of fun in the sun and fun after-hours (and lack of sleep). Haven’t been in front of a computer ever since but I’ve been on BIS the whole time so here’s a glimpse of the the island from my phone. I’d like to upload more but it’s sorta a bitch uploading photos from a BlackBerry.

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

Three Years: A Small Reflection

Published by Justine

The Lenten season is always a sensitive/sentimental time for me. It was 3 years ago when I found out my mom had Breast Cancer. I won’t elaborate on how it happened but I remembered it being the Holy Week when we found out exactly. I wasn’t so scared then but I was definitely worried. I was trying to be strong, all the while subcionsciously gathering my fear in unknown places because I was more scared after everything passed. During that time I remember being really thankful to my bestest friends for being there for me all the way, especially Noemi and Chino who stuck through one full day with me when my mom was in the operating bed in the neighboring country Singapore while I was stuck in Jakarta wondering what the hell was happening to my life and how it came this way.

I don’t usually dwell on my mom’s sickness but sometimes (like now) I can’t help but feel like crying when I think about how much she went through and how strong she is having to go through all of it and be a survivor. Having been there during all her chemo sessions and driving her to a month’s woth radiation treatment, I got to see it and not once she had the face of wanting to give up or give in. I wish I was as strong as her =] her oncologist was even in awe of her inner strength. Of course she had her weak moments, but it was something I quickly erased from my head.

I was brought up by religious values and even though didn’t turn out to be the most religious person I do not dismiss the fact that our family has really been blessed through all of this. It’s been 3 years and every single day my mom continues to live and beat all the circumstances. With her superb health she’s fighting her demons, to this day. Someday I will too. Good night.

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

Things I’m Looking Forward To:

Published by Justine

March had been such a good month to me, and even though I started April on a not so healthy note, I know it’s going to be better. The streak of great weekends hasn’t stopped yet and I hope it never does. I don’t even want to rest anymore! Things are definitely looking up, so here are the things I’m most looking forward to:

  • Cebu trip. I’m going home in about 10 days, and I can’t be more excited. The last time I was home was Christmas of 2009. I’m excited to see friends, cousins (miss them so much), ENDLESS BEACH TRIPS, roadtrips, parties and just chilling out with people I haven’t seen in a while.
  • White rice & Coca Cola. Those 2 things were what I gave up during Lent. It’s very close to Easter and I can’t wait to finally get to sip a cold Coke in the sun filled with ice. I’ve sort of gotten used to not eating rice anymore, so that’s just less than moderate excitement for me, but still. It’s gonna be good.
  • Filipino food. I’ve already prepared my gut for this. I know I’m going to probably gain 20 more kilograms when I reach home but fuck that if I don’t get to eat my favorites.
  • Friends friends friends! Two of my best friends are coming back to Jakarta this week and I’m so glad before I go home I get to meet them first.
  • THE BEACH. I can’t even begin to emphasize how much I’m looking forward to the beach(es). I’m probably going to spend 80% of my vacation in them.
  • This weekend. My cousin is holding an amateur photo exhibit to benefit his orphanage of choice and at 16 years old, I’m so proud of him. He takes great photos and I can’t wait for them to be shown to the world. I’m also going to see friends (previously mentioned) so it’s gonna be a good one.
  • Kindle. I asked my cousin to get me a Kindle in the States and we’re gonna see each other soon, definitely looking forward to that.
  • MANGO SHAKE. Mango shake is all I ever drink when I go back to Cebu. Nothing beats Philippine mangoes.

Before I list down a credit card bill’s worth of what I’m excited for I probably won’t stop. It’s probably too spazzy (even for my me–especially when I read it later on) so I will stop right here. Here’s to an awesome April!