I always make a big deal about turning a year older usually right before my birthday. Ever since I was about to turn 20, I’ve always been like, “Shit I can’t believe I’m turning a year older. SO FREAKING OLD.” Then my birthday comes, and I feel the same. Sometimes it frustrates me because I want to be older in terms of outlook in life, but it seems like I’m taking a step back. Sure I’ve graduated university and currently but inside there’s major lack of maturity. The good old carefree days are gone and as much as I want to apply my carefree manner to my future I’m having a hard time because the future is kinda freaky.
I recently watched this Korean film, Hello Schoolgirl, and there’s a scene in particular which resonated with me so well. I’m not scared of turning older, not scared of the experiences, it’s the fact that adults are faced with so many things at a time especially when it’s not positive, is something I don’t look forward to.
By the time I write my next post I’ve probably turned 22 already, yet still feel the same. I hope my 22nd year gives me a whole lot more perspective on what’s to come, and be less afraid.
Blogging is kind of like an ongoing train of thought, once it gets broken, it’s quite hard to jump back on the train. At least for me anyway. That’s why by this post I’m trying to salvage everything back before the train completely leaves me and this blog will be left update-less again. Sometimes I don’t know where to start anymore, I’ve absolutely mastered the art of “thinking too much” for the most negative reasons. This needs to change, I mean it’s one of the reasons why I made this blog in the first place.
It’s officially Monday in my part of the world, and in a few hours it’s back to the office again. This was probably the laziest Sunday ever. Went straight home after church because my dad wanted to catch the boxing match (Mayweather and whoever his opponent was) but it ended before we got home anyway. I had one of the best naps in my life, probably due to hangover’s late reaction, but it was glorious. I wouldn’t trade those 4-5 hours for anything in my life. Sleep is definitely the best luxury anyone can have.
A chill night with friends beats the whole loud scene in my book. Or maybe because I’ve grown older (I’m not sure about the wiser part) that I prefer quiet nights (not necessarily mouth quiet because we were overly loud in that cafe) with friends versus the whole clubbing thing. I used to love clubbing so much–I still do now, just not as much as before but if I were to choose a Saturday night it would be along the lines of last night.
Lots of beers were involved, lots of shouting and stories and jokes and laughter. We started early so we didn’t end too late, just after midnight where some of us got into a food coma because they decided to stuff their faces with glorious food after the whole beer session and the search for an empty karaoke bar and to no avail, therefore pigging out ensued. I got home headache-y but definitely satisfied of the nights activities. Sunday morning was quite a struggle but cold shower on my face did the trick. Overall, this weekend was well balanced. Til the next, mes amis.
I wish I had a solid hobby that I can be proud of. I think I’ve taken up almost all the cliche ones but none of them really stuck because of my lack of dedication and willpower. I think it comes with being a Gemini and getting easily bored with things and the constant search for something new. I sing, I play guitar and have been playing ever since I was 11 but I’ve never really advanced. There was a point in my life where I could play these awesome riffs and chords but due to lack of practice I became all rusty again. I think I’ve taken a lot of musical lessons to realize that I’m not even half good at them. I’ve taken up drums, keyboard, I read musical notes but that’s all there is to it. I then discovered Photoshop and loved it, I was into webdesign and coding at one point then suddenly one day I looked at all the codes and it gave me a headache. Even though I loved it, I thought it wasn’t worth it due to all the frustration.
Then there was the lomography hype, I got myself an ActionSampler with the hopes of pursuing a hobby in the analog world but in the end I figured it was a hobby which needed cultivation and commitment, not to mention it burnt holes in my pockets so that kind of took a backseat too. I guess I’m at this point in my life where I’m looking for something that I can really stick my mind to, be it a hobby or a relationship or just something which makes me happy. When I get into these things I always tend to doubt myself because I subconsciously compare myself with the better ones and then my insecurity gets the best of me.
The problem with me is, I wanna be good at everything. Obviously I know that’ s not possible, if I can’t stick to one thing how am I supposed to be good at everything else right? Perseverance ultimately leads to perfection, and perseverance hasn’t always been my strongest suit (something I definitely need to improve). I wish one day I can find something I can be extremely proud of for putting my heart and soul into, and get into it full time.
I don’t know why but I haven’t been watching movies lately. I always suck when it comes to blockbusters and such because I usually wait until the hype of the movie dies down before I watch it. I also prefer watching movies which are about 1-2 years old unless of course, it’s a movie I’ve been dying to watch beforehand. The problem is, I’ve put off watching so many movies that they’ve all piled up and I haven’t had a chance to watch them at all. Plus when that happens, new movies come out and I put them off again so it’s like a weird cycle. The last movie I watched in the theater this year was Valentine’s Day (IKR) and since then I haven’t gone yet. While I love going to the movies, I prefer watching them in the comfort of my own couch or bed so I love movie nights in. Anyone?
Also the reason why I didn’t relate much to this years’ Oscars. Every year I’m always looking forward to the Oscars but this year it just wasn’t the same. I have hundreds of DVDs at home lying around waiting to be watched and since I have a job now, I don’t know when the perfect time is to just sit down and watch. The next big question is, what movie do I watch first? I have so many choices.. I guess I’m gonna figure this all out–soon.